https://www.stillworkinprogress.com/not-there-yet-blog daily 0.75 2026-03-03 https://www.stillworkinprogress.com/not-there-yet-blog/traumatised-family-roles monthly 0.5 2025-10-16 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5e3b4f13b17d931362203c84/ec2f618d-ebed-4d4b-9715-39794422270f/sunny+family+.jpeg Not There Yet (Notes on Healing) - Exploring Your Childhood Survival Strategies https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5e3b4f13b17d931362203c84/19e0aa47-9db2-4f49-a4fa-9e1e05aab682/mascot Not There Yet (Notes on Healing) - Exploring Your Childhood Survival Strategies - The Mascot Mascot The mascot/placater is the one who is cute and funny. You use humour to survive and are also very good at empathising with others and putting yourself in their shoes. Although you can be immature and a bit crazy at times, people generally don't mind that. Confrontation petrifies you, therefore you will do anything to avoid it. You can read more about the dysfunctional family role of mascot here. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5e3b4f13b17d931362203c84/1596168852718-6XL244OR9I43D8F0FBC9/child+with+hero+mask Not There Yet (Notes on Healing) - Exploring Your Childhood Survival Strategies - The Hero has a very important job, to save the family. You have it all together and believe yourself to be special. At the same time, your deep feelings of inadequacy are well hidden. You feel that nothing you ever do is good enough, but your gift to the family was their pride in your achievements. You present as high-functioning but struggle with perfectionism and self-worth. Click here for more https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5e3b4f13b17d931362203c84/1596168886721-T2L7PH7BDE6VP3Q0MSKD/lost-child Not There Yet (Notes on Healing) - Exploring Your Childhood Survival Strategies - The Lost child is the invisible one. Quiet. Withdrawn. Surviving by staying unnoticed. Avoiding conflict. Living in the shadows of family chaos. You can be the most challenging to engage initially, as invisibility became your primary survival mechanism. Find out more here https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5e3b4f13b17d931362203c84/1596168930044-K8OTRHNZFXLXP70I1PEK/a+person+holding+an+angry+face+card+showing+the+role+of+the+acting+out+child+who+is+often+angry Not There Yet (Notes on Healing) - Exploring Your Childhood Survival Strategies - The Acting out one/scapegoat is the rebel. The one who acted out. Drew attention away from family dysfunction by creating visible problems. Often misunderstood, deeply hurting. You may present with acting-out behaviours or dependencies of your own. Learn more about this here https://www.stillworkinprogress.com/not-there-yet-blog/the-placater monthly 0.5 2025-10-16 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5e3b4f13b17d931362203c84/1741147222060-C7HRJ1OJ1AXGZCJYW29X/caring+for+each+other Not There Yet (Notes on Healing) - The Mascot/Placater - Unmasking a Survival Strategy https://www.stillworkinprogress.com/not-there-yet-blog/use-your-voice monthly 0.5 2025-10-16 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5e3b4f13b17d931362203c84/1580946515924-UU4GKRSAFRO4VOIVIEJ0/woman+with+finger+over+lips Not There Yet (Notes on Healing) - Don't Speak: the Hidden Family Rule https://www.stillworkinprogress.com/not-there-yet-blog/establish-healthy-personal-boundaries monthly 0.5 2025-10-16 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5e3b4f13b17d931362203c84/1748921794189-I0EZ7FI9JQ5TQDW2A5X8/no+trespassing Not There Yet (Notes on Healing) - The Hidden Connection Between Family Rules and Boundaries - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://www.stillworkinprogress.com/not-there-yet-blog/breaking-free-from-codependence monthly 0.5 2025-10-16 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5e3b4f13b17d931362203c84/a3ed69d0-802a-4d60-aebc-b3cbe28517ff/five+branches+of+codependency Not There Yet (Notes on Healing) - Understanding Co-dependence in Adult Children of Dependents - Co-dependency - a Tree With Five Branches In the dependency world we call the person who is dependent on substances or processes ‘the dependent’. We call the person who looks after them, ‘co-dependent’. All five branches emerge from the same trauma-based root system, showing how these different expressions of co-dependency often originate from similar wounding experiences where these behaviours developed as survival strategies in unsafe or unpredictable environments. The strategies you employed as a child to keep the system going, have been firmed up as branches in adulthood. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5e3b4f13b17d931362203c84/a2f826e0-a9e6-46a1-b30a-a20a7a9593e6/super-woman Not There Yet (Notes on Healing) - Understanding Co-dependence in Adult Children of Dependents - Jessica to the Rescue Stephanie had to take her friend and her kids in. Again. Because she had left her husband. Again. It was late at night, Stephanie even woke her own kids up to rearrange the beds so that her friend’s kids had somewhere to sleep. In the morning, her husband was very unhappy. Sound like a client you know? Check out the low self worth branch of the co-dependent tree here. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5e3b4f13b17d931362203c84/1748487032322-NGYCKCUTXD0107GITL70/controlling+puppet+master Not There Yet (Notes on Healing) - Understanding Co-dependence in Adult Children of Dependents - Ashley the Controller Ashley had her life together. With a capital T. She knew what she was doing, was on all the committees, had all the answers. Her life was going great except for one thing. Ashley came to me because her daughter had 'gone off the rails' and she didn't know what else to try. Her daughter was ignoring all the advice and direction Ashley was giving her. Ashley had spent hours on the internet trying to figure out what to do next to get her daughter to behave. We talked about controlling behaviours and how they are learned as a pattern. Often to make sense of something that cannot make sense. Then the tears flowed as Ashley saw the fuller picture. Check out how to work with clients like Ashley here. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5e3b4f13b17d931362203c84/1748480273525-5ISAHYIRD46KIXU13UER/robot+complying Not There Yet (Notes on Healing) - Understanding Co-dependence in Adult Children of Dependents - Sam the Compliant One Sam was a quiet woman. She was here because her wife thought it would be good for her. Sam kept getting passed over at work for promotions. She found it too hard to make decisions, preferring to leave it to someone else. As a result, Sam often found herself in situations where she would agree with the group rather than speak her actual opinion. She did her best to keep everyone happy. Now her wife was pressuring her to do better at work. But she felt she wasn't strong enough to be a leader. When we talked about the compliant behaviours of co-dependence that Sam had learned to keep herself safe, she could see immediately what was going on. Check out how to work with clients like Sam here. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5e3b4f13b17d931362203c84/1741557886349-2C3DBVWEPJICY1OL7Z0F/go+a+different+way Not There Yet (Notes on Healing) - Understanding Co-dependence in Adult Children of Dependents - Christopher the Avoider I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Christopher was telling me the most awful story of abuse and neglect in a calm quiet voice, with no emotion! It was as though he was talking about someone else. Often when people have suffered trauma as Christopher has, it's a natural reaction to shut off the feelings of pain because they are painful. Some people develop a way of being so they never have to feel pain again. Find out more about the avoidance behaviours of co-dependence. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5e3b4f13b17d931362203c84/1748480400860-8LKO85BZQS82X08XITNE/denial Not There Yet (Notes on Healing) - Understanding Co-dependence in Adult Children of Dependents - Michael the Denier Michael was in love. Again. He told me all about her. She looked at him yesterday and he knew that she felt the same way he did. He also knew that she was married, but that didn’t mean that she was in love with him, she loved Michael. He just knew it. He could tell. He had never talked with her and wasn’t even in her department so about the only thing he actually knew about her was that she loved him. This is a pattern for Michael and causes a load of heartache and rejection. He seems to bounce back each time though and I wonder often what is really going on for him. It is hard to tell because he genuinely does not know how he feels. Both his parents were dependent on substances and he had a terrible upbringing. He was neglected, so he had to make his own way. We discussed this at length as well as other ways the trauma has numbed his feelings. What did he do? Find out here https://www.stillworkinprogress.com/not-there-yet-blog/establishing-values monthly 0.5 2025-10-16 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5e3b4f13b17d931362203c84/9b47039e-ff85-4021-a8f3-a2e9a1cc2938/what-drives-you.jpg Not There Yet (Notes on Healing) - Values and Motivations in Dependency Trauma Recovery https://www.stillworkinprogress.com/not-there-yet-blog/dont-feel monthly 0.5 2025-10-16 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5e3b4f13b17d931362203c84/1747707179279-QCG2DHDA98149EVXPI2U/no+emotions+robot Not There Yet (Notes on Healing) - Overcoming the “Don’t Feel” Rule - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5e3b4f13b17d931362203c84/d17872bd-838f-431c-8466-d5d4d982fcb7/The+Six+Elements+Therapist+Edition Not There Yet (Notes on Healing) - Overcoming the “Don’t Feel” Rule - Empower Your Clients Work with them to reconnect with their emotions and reclaim their wellbeing. Explore the Neutralising Hidden Family Rules workbook today and take the next step in supporting lasting change. https://www.stillworkinprogress.com/not-there-yet-blog/family-violence monthly 0.5 2025-10-16 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5e3b4f13b17d931362203c84/1588813086313-UKLPEL5K5200J68TSBAZ/child+with+tears Not There Yet (Notes on Healing) - Understanding Family Violence: A Complex Issue https://www.stillworkinprogress.com/not-there-yet-blog/big-t-little-t-trauma monthly 0.5 2025-10-16 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5e3b4f13b17d931362203c84/eef7fcb6-d8c1-45c7-9cf7-5e357f86798a/sealed+road+with+a+plaster+on+it.jpg Not There Yet (Notes on Healing) - The Silent Scars: Big T and Little t Trauma - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://www.stillworkinprogress.com/not-there-yet-blog/traumatised-brain monthly 0.5 2025-10-16 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5e3b4f13b17d931362203c84/7cbf2c68-5ad6-4c56-8ba9-dfa8e2e1d9ba/perfect+brain.jpg Not There Yet (Notes on Healing) - Healing Traumatised Brains: Childhood to Adult Recovery - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://www.stillworkinprogress.com/not-there-yet-blog/traumatised-behaviour monthly 0.5 2025-10-16 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5e3b4f13b17d931362203c84/1742339416084-4IXIQJXHX3WJJEHVIVZ2/battered+teddy Not There Yet (Notes on Healing) - Strategies for Healing Family Violence Trauma - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://www.stillworkinprogress.com/not-there-yet-blog/codependency-controlling-patterns monthly 0.5 2025-10-20 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5e3b4f13b17d931362203c84/1741908099552-SQU9AODFOYJRUU01OGLA/woman+puppet+master Not There Yet (Notes on Healing) - Working 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