The Hero in the Workplace

To the Rescue!

In families affected by substance or process dependence, one child often assumes the role of the Hero. Driven by an intense need for approval, this person becomes the responsible one, the achiever, the one who brings pride to the family. On the surface, they appear to have everything under control. They're the employee who excels, the colleague with clear goals, the professional who "made it".

Yet beneath this competent exterior lies a complex emotional landscape that profoundly shapes their working life.

Performance Over Connection

The Family Hero learns early that worth must be earned through achievement. They're often high performers from a young age, but their emotional development becomes constrained. In many ways, they become "low feelers", overdeveloping their capacity for performance whilst underdeveloping their emotional expression. They pursue perfection, believing that flawless execution will finally bring the sense of wholeness, acceptance or resolution they seek.

In the workplace, this pattern intensifies. Heroes gravitate towards leadership roles and positions of responsibility, driven by an ingrained need to excel. However, their self-worth becomes tightly bound to their accomplishments, creating a precarious foundation for professional identity.

The Cost of Competence

What colleagues rarely see behind the mask of capability is a persistent sense of inadequacy. Heroes carry silent burdens of shame, loneliness, guilt, confusion and hurt. Regardless of their achievements, there's a nagging feeling that it's never quite enough.

This internal dynamic manifests in several workplace patterns:

Many Heroes experience stress-related conditions and develop perfectionistic habits that extend beyond healthy standards of excellence. They operate under constant pressure from unrealistic expectations, applied both to themselves and their colleagues. The need for external validation drives their decision making, often leading to burnout and workaholism.

Their professional demeanour tends towards rigid seriousness, leaving little space for spontaneity, play or genuine connection. This can create distance in team relationships and limit their capacity for creative collaboration.

Some Heroes later develop their own dependencies, whilst others struggle with depression or suicidal ideation. Their outward success can effectively mask a deep inner emptiness, making it difficult for colleagues or managers to recognise their distress.

Recognising the Strengths

Yet the capabilities that Heroes develop are genuinely valuable. They're mature beyond their years, dependable, perceptive, independent and highly capable. They demonstrate remarkable stamina, consistently follow through on commitments, and bring natural leadership qualities to their roles. These aren't weaknesses masquerading as strengths; they're genuine assets that, when integrated with emotional awareness and appropriate support, can become profound contributions to organisational life.

A Path Forward

If you grew up in a family marked by addiction or emotional chaos, you may recognise this pattern in your professional life.

Understanding the Hero role as an embodied survival strategy can help you begin to separate performance from identity, and approval from inherent worth. It offers an opportunity to soften the protective armour you developed, reconnect with your emotional self, and reclaim the parts of yourself that were set aside to ensure your family's stability.

In the workplace, this awareness can transform how you lead, collaborate and sustain your professional contribution over the long term.

Find out How

We have two ways for you to work with these patterns at work (see what I did there?) You can access our app here or you can join the group that outlines not only the roles in the family, but also the rules we live by, the things that drive us as well as a way forward to make your life freer of your past.